Evolution
You know the phrase, men are from mars and women are from venus ..then why the hell are we both here on this earth destroying the darn planet? Well thing is it got mighty hot in Venus so Eve built a spaceship and landed on earth…and the wiseguy stargazer Adam in Mars happened to cast his telescope earth-ward and voila…
Which brings me to a thought I keep having…what if Adam had been gay? Or what if Eve had taken the forbidden apple and tried to make apple pie out of it and had ended up burning it badly thereby resulting in Adam making a clean getaway ?And what was the snake's problem anyway?! Maybe it was pissed because it was single and it decided to have some fun at Adam's expense…
Transformation
A few months back I had put up a "cuuuuuuute" photo of mine(aged eight), on orkut and my women friends/acquaintances just couldnt believe it.They went "aww he's so cute..who's he?" and I couldnt quite convince them it WAS me. Yeah…WAS..sigh…One f(r)iend even added "but you look so much like a Geek now"…ouch !
Thankfully my hair hasnt yet fallen out..touch wood ! one less thing to brood about…dont tell my helmet that,lest it wishes to get wicked…
But seriously I saw this coming..my aunts warned me as a kid…" you are so thin …wait tillya grow up…yer gonna be faaat"...why do i get a feeling they moonlight as gypsy women lugging a crystal ball around?
But you women,now that's a different ball game…when you're babies you're nearly bald and fat and then you become these, these lovely creatures that drive us men mad….aargh ! not fair !
(Ofcourse for those of you gifted with a gene pool that's filthy rich in looks, I've got 3 words… "you lucky ******* !")
Attraction - Of dates and 'pick'les
What is it with men,women and dates? I mean alright yer trying to look all manly ie you have to set everything in order and MAKE the decisions so that the woman will know you are STRONG and can make your own decisions…."Dont ever ask a girl to pick the place..that will make you look weak and indecisive" screams an experienced cousin sister of mine…. Yeah I believed that too…but its a load of malarkey I tellya…the only reason women want you to pick the date location is because if the whole thing works out(you know what I mean) that'd be the last time you ever get to 'pick' anything.That's their way of being kind,see.Guys, you think you're ever gonna get to make any decisions once yer together?Which movie to watch?Where to shop?When to marry?Where to go on a honeymoon?naming the baby?selecting the school?buying furniture?wall paint colors? Get the picture?
Associations and Unions
Speaking of being single,when one crosses 25 the talks of marriage start to float around at home…"I wanna see my grandkids ! No one will marry you when you grow old…how long will you be alone"!
Err foks,I'm having a tough time as it is to get women to like me, let alone marry me!
But this arranged marriage jig just doesnt fool me.I mean alright most of our folks had 'em…nuthing will go wrong they assure you…
I say "hah" ! As Dylan sang " People are crazy and times are strange, I'm locked in tight, I'm outta range..I used to care..but things have changed" ! But my brave cousin sister decides to break the run of 7 straight love marriages in the family and agrees to go for an arranged one…the guy seems a good fella..(so well, maybe there are a few exceptions)
But how come women don't really have a checklist for arranged marriages ..BUT have plenty for lovestruck men who are trying to win their hand ?
Which brings me to their checklists : "ah he should be (thinking but not mentioning explicitly: tall,dark(debatable) and handsome(hell yeah))..um smart,creative,communicative,carry himself well, (and again thinking but not saying (earning big bucks in a job that will see us through atleast until our kids have started earning money))."
Easy eh?! Is that an all or nothing checklist??! What if I say "hey I'm yer man except for say, points 3,6,7 and 8"
and heck I'll be glad to overlook you NOT scoring on 4 of my checklist points.."good taste in movies/music","genuine interest in what I do ","speaking what's on your mind" and "not watching sports" !
Yeah you heard right…I just dont get women watching sports..especially cricket…this is a relatively new phenomenon ..in school the girls would go "ugh" when us boys talked about cricket…but now they seem to be pundits …serious turn-off for me ! I mean how would you like it if we guys started watching Oprah and Ellen degeneres? (Err I must sheepishly confess here that I watch these 2 ONLY when they feature my favorite celebs as the guest for the show)
Communication
And how can I talk about women and not talk about phones? Now let us jussst look back in time a bit…before the invention of the phone…I saw this hilarious cartoon in one magazine… Greek setting… one long distance runner comes panting and says to the woman "there are no new calls(/messages) for you"
I mean seriously how did greek women back then get their interaction done? They musta had an army of message runners….
Red Indian women musta burnt a lotta stuff for their smoke signals while gossipping "oye Pearl-eye, did you hear that moon-shadow is out of a job? ..oh poor swan-wing,how is she going to manage?"... now we know who triggered the hole in the ozone layer…
..and African women? they woulda made Sivamani hang his head in shame with their tom-tom skills ! … You women spend so much time yakking away with your female pals..if only you would spend 10 minutes telling us what you WANT we'd all be a happy lot and Freud's soul would finally get to rest in peace.
Degeneration
Another thing I've been noticing is the 'space' issue.Once yer with a girl your 'space' obviously takes a beating.Your 'hang out' time with the guys goes down.
My uncle's(who's married) friend who egged him to hang out every night even after mariage had it coming big time when he got married recently.We havent heard a peep from him after that. My aunt is having the last laugh now ! ……..Did you read that recent article in the paper about women hiring private investigators to keep tabs on their man's whereabouts?I have something to say… you oughta be looking to add spice to your relationship..not spies !
Disposition
Now that all you womenfolk officially Hate me , well all I gotta say is "May God Strike Me With Lightning if all this isn’t true" (oops I shouldnta said that seeing the rains that have been lashing the city)..well I'll take my chances….until next time.. be well…and single…(that's the truth and I'm a liar)
Tweet
